


old habits die hard

by orphan_account



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Smut, Confessions, Friends With Benefits, Hate Sex, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:29:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25866709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: this is a work of fiction and didn't happen. do not send or share to cody and noel and obviously respect their relationships.this is my first fic on this account and fandom so don’t be too harsh i'm sensitive plzenjoy :)
Relationships: Cody Ko/Noel Miller
Comments: 9
Kudos: 54





	old habits die hard

**Author's Note:**

> this is a work of fiction and didn't happen. do not send or share to cody and noel and obviously respect their relationships.
> 
> this is my first fic on this account and fandom so don’t be too harsh i'm sensitive plz
> 
> enjoy :)

they didn't do it because it was simple. if they wanted a quick fix to the problem, they could just cut off relations between the two of them. never seeing or speaking to each other again would solve everything, with minimal effort.

but simple is not easy.

they don't do it because it's easy, though. a relationship would be easy. nose kisses and cuddles and ‘ilove you’’s whispered at midnight are easy.

but easy isn't always safe.

they didn't do it because it's safe, either. what they had going on is far from safe. safety could be found in friendship. pure, platonic, friendship.

but safe isn't very fun.

they did it because it's fun. it's fun to make out with your best friend. it's fun to fuck him every night. it's fun for noel, because he's getting laid, and cody's a good fuck. it's fun for cody, because he craves the intimacy, and it's a thousand times better because this is noel who’s dick is up his ass more nights than it's not, it's noel's bed they wake up together in, it's noel who wants to kiss him, noel, the man cody's been madly in love with for years, now.

but fun isn't simple, fun isn't easy, fun isn't safe. it's not simple, because what happens when one of them gets a boyfriend or a girlfriend? it's not easy, for cody to hold back his "i love you"s and replace them with moans and whines as noel pounds into him night, after night. 

it's not safe, because what if cody slips up? or, it's noel who says those three words that they have an unspoken agreement not to say? or what if someone finds out? a million and one things could go wrong with this.

but a million and one things go right when they're lying in bed next to each other, covered in a thin layer of sweat and cum and lube and they're both breathing heavily, coming down from their highs. a million and one things feel right in those moments, those moments that each of them love, sometimes for the same reasons, sometimes for different ones. 

sometimes it's because fuck, that was good. other times because fuck, i love this boy so much, and surprisingly enough, that's one that is shared.

but it's fun, and that's what counts.

it's fun.

except when it isn't.

cody doesn't find it fun to have to pretend he most definitely was not spooning noel every time he wakes up.

noel doesn't find it fun when he has to pretend he most definitely was not enjoying cody's arms wrapped around him.

they don't find it fun when every single moment, every last touch, each and every word spoken, all of it is meticulously planned out. even the times they're supposed to be able to let go, not think and just do, cody's mind is on overdrive. each noise that passes through his lips is carefully calculated, from moans to the absence of the three words he wants to say so badly. it nearly causes physical pain in him, but knows that those words would make the whole thing collapse, make it unravel in a heartbeat.

little does he know, noel's own brain is whirring throughout the sex, too, for the exact same reasons.

it isn't fun. but at least it works. it works for years.

until it doesn't.

they both always thought it would be three words that end it. three words from cody's mouth.

except it's four. from noel’s mouth.

"i love you, cody."

as cody turns to hold noel in his arms, the words cut through the silence like a knife.

but it's late, and they're both exhausted.

so it's easy for cody to ignore it. pretend he never heard it.

it's easy.

it's not simple.

it's not safe.

it's not fun.

but it's easy.

so he does it. he forgets.

noel doesn't. he made a conscious decision to say it.

it wasn't easy.

it wasn't safe.

it wasn't fun.

but it was simple. a quick, nearly thoughtless, offhand statement. it was simple.

he still chose to do it, though. he doesn't want to forget. he doesn't want cody to forget. he wants cody to remember. to know.

so in the morning, it's different.

there's little touches, on the hand, the arm, the side. there's the ghosts of kisses hovering over cody's skin. noel stands closer, sits closer, exists closer. everything they decided, what was allowed and what wasn't, it's all thrown to hell. the lines, the boundaries, the walls, stacked up, brick by brick, every word spoken between them since 2016 when this whole mess began, every rule put into place, it all made those walls surrounding each of the two boys higher, higher, higher, it's all blurred. the rules faze in and out of existence as the day goes on, as noel starts acting more couple-y, and cody starts to accept it.

until noel almost calls cody some silly pet name that most definitely is not allowed, but thinks better of it. at the last second, he stops himself, knowing that one more word could break everything.

but it's too late. it's too late to stop himself.

"did you have anything in mind for dinner, baby?"

baby. _baby_. **baby**.

he hopes cody didn't notice.

"baby’?" 

he noticed.

"what the fuck, noel?”

"you know," noel spits out in a whisper, halfway between flirty and mad. "you know damn well what the fuck.”

cody continues to feign ignorance.

"no, no i fucking don't! why don't you clue me in?"

"you know!" noel repeats. "you know, holy shit!"

they're standing now, shouting at each other's faces.

"last night." noel's voice is hushed again. "i know you heard me."

cody can't pretend.

"you aren't in love with me."

"i think i know how i feel."

"you aren't in love with me! you're in love with- i don't know, the sex! something else! i don't care what! just not me! you can't be in love with me."

"but i do love you, cody. why can't i?"

cody swallows hard.

it won't be simple.

it won't be easy.

it won't be safe.

it won't be fun.

but he admits it. he admits everything.

"because i loved you! i was in love with you, but you never said anything! i thought all you wanted from me was sex, so i gave it to you! because i thought it would make you love me! and maybe it did, but it's too late! i gave up. this,” he motions around with his hands to both of them. “whatever we are, friends with benefits or whatever the fuck you want to call it, it ruined me! i couldn't do it anymore. i couldn't love you anymore.”

"fuck you, cody."

"fuck you, too!"

and they're kissing. it's not gentle or loving like noel wished it could be. and it's not gentle or loving like cody wished it could be. it's heated and passionate but passionate for all the wrong reasons. it isn't fun.

it isn't fun when cody's tongue is in noel's mouth and vice versa. it isn't fun when shirts start coming off and hands start roaming. it's not fun when noel asks, "bedroom?" its not fun when cody responds, "yeah.” it's not fun when fingers dip below waistbands. it's not fun when the slippery liquid is dribbled onto noel's fingers, and one is inserted into cody's hole. it's not fun when the fingers are removed, and replaced with noel's hard dick. it's not fun when cody wraps his legs around noel's waist. it's not fun when noel pounds into him. it's not fun when he hits cody's prostate again and again. it's enjoyable. it's pleasurable. it feels fucking good. but it's not fun.

it's not fun, but they do it. they fall back into their old habits, kissing, fucking, cuddling, hating. regretting. repeat.

it’s old movements they repeat. like their brains are on autopilot.

thrust. moan. stroke. scream. stroke. thrust. stroke. comment. thrust. warn. thrust. stroke. thrust. cum. scream. thrust. cum. collapse. breathe. breathe. "fuck." close eyes. "yeah." curl halfway into a ball. breathe. wrap arms around him. 

breathe.

“i love you, cody." silence. "i really do." silence. no response. tighten grip. relax body. kiss neck. sleep.

kiss. check.

fuck. check.

cuddle. check.

hate. check.

regret. check.

repeat.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated <3


End file.
